Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Randomize
