I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize