She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
