Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
