i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
