You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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