I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
