Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
