i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
