My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
