the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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