If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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