ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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