I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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