Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The best revenge is premature balding
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
