life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
