Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
