that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
