My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize