There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
