Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
