If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
