i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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