grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
