she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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