I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
