Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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