i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
