mondays should just be called national damage control day
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
