my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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