u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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