i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
