there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
