i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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