I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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