Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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