oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
