hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize