So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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