My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
