you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
