four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
