New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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