No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
