the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
