dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
