i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My penis needs a shock collar
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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