just come out here and I will go home with you...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
