Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
