When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
