Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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