We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
