Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
