now i know why i became what i already was.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
