The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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