I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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