Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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