Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize