ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You work out of a Hotel?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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