I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
