Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
