..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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