I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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