We're facebook friends in real life
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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