Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
