I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
your room smells of hookers.
And success
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
