I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
