Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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