My nipple is on Facebook.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
