well most of my day revolves around power hour
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
