i think my mom watched the whole time
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
