mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
