Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you have to choose: penises or morals?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
