Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize