im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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