just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
