Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
