HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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