we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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