After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
