..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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