it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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