oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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