All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
