At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
