so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
