mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i used baking grease as lip gloss
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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