I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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