I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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