So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
