dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
